Hope is a Big Word
February 21, 2010
Hope is a big word. It is what keeps us going. It is something that helps us to cope with bad times and the essence of what we celebrate in the good times. It is something that is often lacking in a therapists office. Lately, I have realized that one of my primary goals is to instill hope.
Hope is the confidence that something better is to come. Whether it is a hope that grief will pass, that we can turn a struggling marriage around or that survival will actually occur, hope helps us persevere.
A lack of Hope steals our motivation. It wrecks our energy and it halts any progress. Without hope, we have no reason to do anything. This is why it can be one of the most devastating symptoms of depression. Hopelessness is the lie that tells us “things cannot improve, in fact they are likely to get worse.” We can take harbor in the fact that it is just that, a lie.
We serve a God of hope. Look at 1 Corinthians 13:13 “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” I must admit as I have contemplated faith, hope and love, it has been common to highlight faith and love and overlook hope. That’s like trying to construct a two sided triangle. Faith is dependent on hope. Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for…” If we have no hope, then we have no reason to love. Without hope, following the Christian faith offers us very little. With hope, our faith offers us and the world everything, including an eternity with the absolute source of love.
Just as the eternal optimist needs to be reminded that it isn’t always going to be pure bliss, the person caught in the grips of crisis and grief needs hope to remind him that this season will also pass. Better times are to come.
We can glean hope from a variety of places.
Sometimes, it really is true that things will soon become better. In the research world we speak of “regression to the mean.” It’s a fancy way of saying that when a circumstance varies from the norm, in all likelihood it will gravitate back towards a more normal position. So, if someone is very depressed, even without treatment the next time you evaluate their level of distress there is a likelihood that there will be some improvement. Maybe not as much as is desired, but some inching back towards normal.
Some people find hope in the simple presence of others. Knowing that others genuinely care, can go a long way. A little bit of comfort, which provides us with even the smallest amount of relief points us to the fact that greater relief and even joy is going to come.
At times, simply looking at the facts and helping someone to be more rational can prove hopeful. The more extreme the emotion, the more difficult it is to see a situation accurately. Emotions tend to exaggerate our extreme thinking, even to the point of causing us to think there is no hope. Often, simply escaping the extreme emotions and checking into a more rational state will help us to see that there really is hope.
As a Christian the greatest source of hope likely comes through our faith. This hope focuses us on God: On what he has done for us; On the value of Christ’s teaching; On His resurrection and the faith that we will someday be likewise resurrected; On eternity with Him, experiencing true joy rooted in His love. This hope focuses us on today, on his presence in the Holy Spirit, on the idea that He is in control and that we don’t have to be. It guides us to look to those thing that lift Him up and reminds us that we will be right there with him. We have so much in which to look forward and that is the essence of Hope.
It is when things look dimmest that Hope has the greatest power. It helps us to see that troubles are temporary. That, joy comes tomorrow, along with Hope, allows us to imbibe in some of that future joy today.
- Eric Clements, M.S., LPC, LMFT
Premarital Counseling With the PREPARE/ENRICH Customized Version
February 21, 2010
Christian Family Institute has been training mental health professionals, pastors, and lay counselors to do premarital counseling for over 30 years. We are strong believers that such premarital preparation can improve relationships and reduce divorce rates. One tool CFI commonly employs to strengthen relationships and marriages before they begin is the PREPARE/ENRICH assessment inventory.
I look back at the old versions of this test and am amazed at the changes that it has undergone over these many years. I first met Dr. David Fournier, an early developer of the inventory in 1977 when he was pilot testing PREPARE in Kansas City. Little did I know how significant our relationship would later be, and what an important role PREPARE would serve in our work.
This last year, PREPARE underwent another major revision. It is now going to be known as PREPARE/ENRICH Customized version, instead of PREPARE 2000. Several major changes in the instrument are immediately apparent. One change is that all the instruments are combined. Another change is that this version can only be taken by computer. When a counselor agrees with a couple to utilize this version, a private login account is established allowing the parties to take the inventory online. The initial items inquire into the status of the couple’s relationship, such as whether they are engaged, living together, or married. Other items inquire about age and other factors. The answers to these questions determine which banks of questions are relevant and will be administered to the couple. Each couple takes a “custom” version of the assessment.
The outcome results are immediately obvious. Separate reports are generated for counselors (“facilitators”) and couples. Reports include a massive amount or information about the couple and their relationship, no matter what stage of relationship the couple may be in. This enables couples to make important informed decisions, including commitments to grow and change.
Another important aspect of the PREPARE/ENRICH inventories is the increased emphasis on interactive feedback and therapeutic exercises. For those trained in this approach, tools for helping couples grow are immediately available to meet the couple’s needs.
CFI will be providing workshops to train new users of the PREPARE/ENRICH Customized Version, and to update those already trained in PREPARE 2000. Watch CFI’s website for dates and times. Also, check out the Life Innovations website for more information.
by Dale R. Doty, M.S.W., Ph.D.
To sign up for Dr. Dale Doty’s PREPARE/ENRICH training workshop on April 2, please click here.
