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Happy New Year! As we begin a new year and a new decade, I’m reminded of the preacher’s words in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (New International Version):
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to
gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
From cradle to grave, our lives are full of seasons. Some are good and some are not so good. Some seem short and some seem as if they will never end. Some produce rapid change and sometimes we think that nothing ever changes. Sometimes we feel like we just get settled in, and then unexpectedly, it’s time to move on. For better or worse, seasons always come to pass, not to stay.
Marriage, too, holds many times and seasons. In addition to the routine ups and downs that are unique to marriage, you have the ups and downs of two individuals and any children they have.
Good seasons are welcome and we seem to cruise through without much thought. It’s during times of stress and crisis that we find out what our marriages and we are made of.
It’s important to realize, during these difficult times, that they will pass—things do change. Having difficulty in our marriage and with our spouse doesn’t mean we have a bad marriage. It means we have problems we need to resolve. It’s really easy, but not helpful, in our attempts to escape our stress to blame our partner and focus on the negatives.
The key is to establish good habits that can sustain us in good times and bad. In the spirit of the New Year, here are some suggestions for maintaining balance that is important for all seasons.
- Don’t shut down, but keep the lines of communication open. Sharing stresses divides the load.
- Don’t overreact to bad times, but act in a manner that encourages good times.
- Don’t blame others or the marriage, but realize that you can get through this time and grow together rather than apart.
- Don’t focus on the cause of the problem, concentrate on finding solutions. Work as a team. Your spouse’s problem is your problem.
- Don’t withdraw from your spouse, but continue to spend time together doing things you enjoy.
- Don’t forget that your spouse is your friend and treat him/her accordingly.
Remember seasons change, and often, the times of greatest satisfaction are on the other side of the storm.