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Archive for the ‘Divorced Families’ Category

Law Requiring Couples Seeking Divorce To Take Educational Class

Thursday, October 30th, 2014

News on 6 interview: Dr. William Berman discusses State Law Requiring Some Couples Seeking Divorce To Take Educational Class.

Couples with kids will soon have to jump through an extra hoop to get divorced. A new state law requires them to take an educational class on how divorce affects their children. The goal isn’t just to save marriages, but to help kids cope.

NewsOn6.com – Tulsa, OK – News, Weather, Video and Sports – KOTV.com |

What do you need to know before you marry again?

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2013

his-hersA frequently observed pattern is for those who remarry to repeat the mistakes from their previous failed marriage. Second marriages are even more likely to fail than first marriages. This occurs far too often, yet there are things that can be done to prevent it.

It is extremely important to gain some understanding and insight into what we may have contributed to the failure of our earlier marriage(s). It is never so simple as to have been entirely the blame of our first spouse that a previous marriage ended. If we do not have understanding and insight, we cannot take the necessary responsibility in order to correct past mistakes, and therefore, not repeat the same mistakes.

Marriages end due to many factors, including rushing into a marriage without an adequate courtship period to get to know the person we are marrying, not knowing our partner’s history and character, rushing into sexual intimacy, failing to be prepared for the demands of marriage, not being financially secure, failing to manage anger and other emotions, not knowing how to communicate well or resolve conflicts, just to mention a few.

Counseling is an important experience in getting help understanding how a past marriage failed. It can make the difference between a failed or successful second marriage. Pre-marriage counseling is also a very important experience, to insure that future relationships are on track to becoming a successful marriage. Premarriage counseling should begin as soon as possible after the first talk of a life together for the future.

The Bible speaks of the importance of the “safety in a multitude of counselors,” (Proverbs 11:14), and that we should walk in wise counsel (Proverbs 12:15, Proverbs 19:20).” Making important decisions on our own without counsel increases the odds of our making an error in judgment.

Consider the gift of pre-marital counseling to your adult children considering marriage. A comprehensive assessment of the strengths and weaknesses of a planned marriage, offered by a trained and objective professional, may carry more weight than your own opinion. Further, this gives your adult children the counseling or therapy they may need to get their relationship on firm ground.

-Dale Doty, Ph.D.

What Do You Need to Know Before You Marry Again?

Monday, February 25th, 2013

StickFIgureFamilyA frequently observed pattern is for those who remarry to repeat the mistakes from their previous failed marriage.  Second marriages are even more likely to fail than first marriages.  This occurs far too often, yet there are things that can be done to prevent it.

It is extremely important to gain some understanding and insight into what we may have contributed to the failure of our earlier marriage(s).  It is never so simple as to have been entirely the blame of our first spouse that a previous marriage ended.  If we do not have understanding and insight, we cannot take the necessary responsibility in order to correct past mistakes, and therefore, not repeat the same mistakes.

Marriages end due to many factors, including rushing into a marriage without an adequate courtship period to get to know the person we are marrying, not knowing our partner’s history and character, rushing into sexual intimacy, failing to be prepared for the demands of marriage, not being financially secure, failing to manage anger and other emotions, not knowing how to communicate well or resolve conflicts, just to mention a few.

Counseling is an important experience in getting help understanding how a past marriage failed.  It can make the difference between a failed or successful second marriage.  Pre-marriage counseling is also a very important experience, to insure that future relationships are on track to becoming a successful marriage.  Premarriage counseling should begin as soon as possible after the first talk of a life together for the future.

The Bible speaks of the importance of the “safety in a multitude of counselors,” (Proverbs 11:14), and that we should walk in wise counsel (Proverbs 12:15, Proverbs 19:20).”  Making important decisions on our own without counsel increases the odds of our making an error in judgment.

Dale Doty, M.S.W., Ph.D.

Dale Doty, Ph.D.

FAQ: Does My Ex Have to Know the Kids are Coming to Counseling?

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

There are a few issues involved in this question:

  1. To answer this, we must determine what the provisions are of the divorce decree.  This document spells out parents’ rights.  In joint custody, both parents have equal rights to information about treatment of their child.  The divorce decree may spell out who must be notified or give consent for any medical treatment of the child.  Counseling falls in this category.
  2. In general, treating a child without the knowledge of the ex puts the child in the uncomfortable position of having to keep a secret from one of their parents.  This burden is often counter-productive to the child’s welfare.
  3. Often this question is asked in high-conflict divorce situations.  These types of divorces include harmful stressors for children.  The counselor may first need to address the continued “high-conflict” condition, starting with one willing parent.  Counseling can help a parent find ways of reducing the level of conflict as a way of protecting the child from further harm.  Once emotional safety for the child is established and the child is out of the middle of the conflict, counseling can begin for the child.

In some cases, courts may have given full custody to one parent, or limited the rights of the non-custodial parent.  In these cases it may be acceptable to see the child without the other parent knowing or being entitled to any information.