Relying on over 40-years of practice, Dr. William (Bill) B. Berman, Ph.D. from CHRISTIAN FAMILY INSTITUTE (CFI) shares about limiting the damages of a divorce. There are harmful effects for everyone in a family in cases of divorce, even if amicable, and unfortunately children are more keenly affected. CFI often provides divorce recovery services, tips for successful coparenting and gives special focus on helping children to recover. Dr. Berman has consulted on over 500 child custody cases, and speaks with host Lisa Harris on key areas of concern for families facing or recovering from divorce. Dr. Berman is a licensed Psychologist as well as a Marital and Family Therapist and directs the clinical services at CFI.
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Dr. William (Bill) B. Berman, Ph.D. from CHRISTIAN FAMILY INSTITUTE (CFI) speaks about divorce-proofing a marriage with host Lisa Harris during a recent segment of Joy In Our Town. Dr. Berman is a licensed Psychologist as well as a Marital and Family Therapist and directs the clinical services at CFI. Over 40-years clinical and forensic practice underlies the sound tips and advice he presents for couples desiring to shore up their marriage and avoid common pitfalls.
News on 6 interview: Dr. William Berman discusses State Law Requiring Some Couples Seeking Divorce To Take Educational Class.
Couples with kids will soon have to jump through an extra hoop to get divorced. A new state law requires them to take an educational class on how divorce affects their children. The goal isn’t just to save marriages, but to help kids cope.
In Part 1 of this topic (See August CFI newsletter: How To Prevent Conflict With Your Child Over Homework | Christian Family Institute), we looked at a strategy for redefining “homework” as a combination of assignments made by teachers and parents. Even though your child reports there were no assignments made by teachers there will still be time set aside at home to complete assignment made by their parents. So, there will always be some form of homework to complete. This installment will address how to best structure the homework experience.
First, verify exactly what assignments, if any actually have been made by teachers. Then, set up a homework-completion strategy:
- Attend an open house, “meet the teacher” or parent-teacher conference and ask specific questions regarding typical assignments such as how frequent will they typically be made and approximately how much time should it typically take.
- Learn about which teachers have made assignment information available over the Internet and review it with your child before they begin.
- Create a homework space designed with limited distractions and equipped with all necessary materials and supplies.
- Discover your child’s maximum attention span for sustaining their highest performance. Then, established break periods before that point is reached. For example, if your child will be doing 60 minutes of homework but their attention span and productivity rapidly declines after 20 minutes, you can create 4 separate 15 minute homework times between coming home and going to bed.
- Be sure to leave some time for nurturing your child and enjoying them.
The professional staff at Christian Family Institute is uniquely trained to help families with parenting concerns. We are here for you if you need us.
An all too common problem that we address in family therapy is when children are less than completely honest about whether they have homework. The problem typically begins with the parent simply asking “Do you have any homework tonight?” or the even more presumptive question “How much homework do you have tonight?” Such questions create countless opportunities for children to offer partially truthful answers, sometimes intended to be deceptive to their parent or just being unrealistic with themselves.
The child who incorrectly believes they will have plenty of time tomorrow before 5th hour to review their spelling words or the child who reasons that a project due on Friday doesn’t count when answering the homework question on Tuesday night doesn’t see themselves as blatantly lying to their parent. Still others will outright lie to their parent to avoid doing homework no matter what the consequence may be.
One of the most effective strategies in preventing this form of parent-child conflict is to never ask the question! Instead, let’s consider “homework” as really being a combination of assignments given by a teacher plus assignments given by a parent. Your child may or may not have assignments from their teachers but should always have assignments given by their parent. So, they always have homework.
Parent assignments may include review of previous teacher assignments, copying over notes, answering study questions or working math problems at the end of a chapter, reading a chapter of a book for a book report due next week, playing an educational game, etc. Once the parent has determined an appropriate amount of homework, given the child’s age and ability, then the parent simply adds to the amount of teacher assignments until the total amount is reached. Most children and teens catch on quickly that they might as well complete the teacher assignments because they will be doing homework one way or the other.
If you are anticipating that problems are likely to emerge as the fall semester begins, we can help. Our licensed professional staff are skilled in working with children and their families when ADD/ADHD, learning disabilities, oppositional and defiant attitudes, depression, anxiety, or other issues that interfere with academic success and joyful family life.
Passion and romance are not constants in a love relationship. If it were not for the constraints inherent to most marriages (e.g., financial, spiritual, impact upon the children, etc.) many marriages would not endure long enough to restore the reasons why the marital commitment was made in the first place. That is why the commitment factor is so predictive of marital survival.
The loss of passion and romance is such a common phenomenon that song writers have capitalized upon it as a theme that is highly marketable. Consider the list of contemporary songs below as a sample. See if you can think of others. Just remember that normal doesn’t necessarily mean healthy. Marital therapy is designed to assist couples in recovering those lost feelings and preventing them from slipping away again.
“You Don’t Send Me Flowers Anymore”
-Neil Diamond & Barbara Streisand
“The Thrill Is Gone”
“Where Has Our Love Gone?”
“Total Eclipse Of The Heart”
“Home Ain’t Where His Heart Is Anymore”
“I Don’t Care Anymore”
“Now That The Magic Has Gone”
“How Do You Like Me Now?”
“Where Is The Love”
-Black Eyed Pea
10. Why does Santa Claus think he’s God? (He knows when you are sleeping and awake, bad and good!)
9. Why are there so many Christmas carols that don’t mention Christ?
8. Why do Jewish store owners sing “What a friend we have in Jesus”?
7. Why do Gentiles try so hard all year long to keep house plants alive, then go buy a dead tree and cover it with things that don’t grow on trees?
6. Why do Gentiles celebrate with alcohol at parties in preparation for such a holy day?
5. Why pay retail when everything goes on sale next week?
4. Why do some Gentiles make such a big deal about Christmas and never even go to church?
3. Do I have to believe in Santa Claus in order to become a Christian?
2. Does it cost more to celebrate Christmas than Chanuka?
1. If Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, why do so many people get depressed?
William B. Berman, Ph.D.