Jamie Brandon (Twitter @jkbrandon) was quoted in an article on ChristianPost.com entitled: “Katy Perry’s Comments Prompt the Question: How Strict Is Too Strict?”
The article discusses the importance of relational parenting in combination with Christian upbringing. Stay tuned for a follow-up article to appear on CFI’s blog page from Ms. Brandon.
We all know parenting kids during school breaks can be challenging. It can be even more difficult if you have a child who deals with distractibility and hyperactivity. Here are a few ideas to help keep you sane over the holiday season.
Continue to set appropriate limits with the kids. Sometimes it is easy to let things slide during holidays and breaks, but kids must have consistency to feel safe in their environment. Inconsistency often breeds chaos. Kids will behave much better when they understand the expectations and the rules. Our expectations for our kids should not change. We can’t have one set of expectations that we enforce through the school routine months and then throw them out the window when holidays arrive. Expectations like obedience (doing what you are asked to do, when you are asked to do it, without complaining), respect for self and others (don’t hurt yourself, others or property), and responsibility (take care of your things and always tell me where you are going) must continue. We can change the bedtime rule to an hour later or give extra treats, but let the kids know these rule changes, additions and rewards are privileges earned for following the basic expectations. When your kids misbehave or push the limits, be kind, but do enforce the limit. You are the boss. Set kind, firm limits with your kids and you will be surprised at their compliance. Above all, they want to know you love them. Setting limits is one way you show your child you care about them too much to let them misbehave.
If you have a distractible child, give short commands and reminders. Example, “Go upstairs, get dressed, put on your shoes, and come downstairs.” Then repeat, “Up, dressed, shoes, down,” or, “teeth, hair, shoes, down”. If you repeat the basics of the command, and they repeat it back to you, they are much more likely to remember. Give three to four commands at most. You will also get a better response if they maintain eye contact with you when they repeat the command.
Post reminders around the house. Type daily reminders and post them around the house. For example, on the bathroom mirror, “STOP: Things to do before you leave the bathroom”. List brush teeth (with toothpaste and water), brush hair (with hairbrush), put your stuff away. Mount a small wipe off board next to the door you use to leave the house, write reminders on the board. Example, “STOP: Backpack, homework, lunch”. In the winter that list might be, “STOP: Jacket, gloves, shoes, hat.” Kids need reminders and sometimes so do we.
Have fun with your kids this Thanksgiving and Christmas season. Spend time with them. Build forts in the living room. Read to them. Listen to books on tape together. Play games inside or out. Take lots and lots of pictures. Show them they are a priority to you and you love them. Have a great holiday season!
Christmas… a time of hope…a time of peace…a time of joy…Hum….
Is it just me? No. I know other mothers out there are feeling the same stress and pressure of Christmas. Instead of hope, peace and joy, I find myself at times feeling tired, irritated and full of frustration. I want my kids to remember the reason we celebrate Christmas in the first place. CHRIST. It seems as though all of my effort to read more scripture, teach them about Advent, and remind them to be givers, fall on deaf ears.
Sometime around the middle of November my name changed. My sweet 9 year old boy no longer called me Mama. My name changed to “Mama Can-I-have”. I asked the kids to come up with a list of gifts they would like to have. That sweet little boy turned into a monster. It was like nothing I have never seen before. I received a Christmas list stapled to the toys-r-us catalog. Not only did he list fourteen video games, 5 board games, a new DS-I, an iPod touch, and a myriad of gift card requests, that sweet child had circled nearly EVERY boy item in that 50+ page catalog! (and a few girly items, too!) He also reminded that even though he knew there was no tooth fairy or Easter Bunny, he did still indeed believe in Santa Claus.
I told him that was quite a list and there was no way he would get everything on his list. His reply was, “That’s ok, mom. I’ll just give it to Grams”. Now, if you know anything about me, you know that I am never at a loss for words, but friends, I had nothing. At least nothing good. I shook my head and decided that I needed to deal with this later for fear I would say something that would crush the spirit of that nine year old boy.
I knew he needed a good “come to Jesus talk” as my mother would say. But, is it really his fault?? I created this little monster. I wanted so badly to bless my children that they now feel entitled to ask for everything. Where does this need to give to my children come from? I am a mother! I am a giver! I want to give to my children. How much more does our Heavenly Father want to give to us if only we believe?
This past Sunday in church, the pastor stated, “Giving is to teach us to be givers, not receivers”.
There is some redemption in this story. I did have a talk with my son about realistic expectations and let him know that I would need a revised list of the top 6-8 things that he really, really wanted. My name has not changed back to “mama” yet, but shortly after Christmas I know it will. My daughter, Katie, told me yesterday, that instead of a bunch of presents she thought it would be a good idea to donate to St. Jude’s in the name of our sweet friend, Charlie, who is battling cancer. Zach agreed.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.
—Romans 15:13
Jamie Brandon, M.S., LMFT
With our overcommitted schedules, it is often difficult to avoid stressing
out over the holidays. Here are a few ideas to help keep you sane during
this stressful time.
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