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Archive for the ‘Krista Caveny M.A.’ Category

Premarital Pointers

Thursday, February 8th, 2018

premarital-imageThe season of love and romance is upon us. Since the focus this time of year is on relationships, many couples may spend time evaluating their relationship. Some will decide to become engaged. Studies show that up to six million couples will get engaged on Valentine’s Day.

With the excitement of planning a wedding, many couples forget to plan their marriage. Premarital counseling is one avenue to strengthen an upcoming marriage. With all the time, energy, and money spent on weddings every year (the average cost for a wedding in Oklahoma is $23,000), it’s important for couples to also invest in their marriage.

Let’s talk about what premarital counseling is and is not.

Often couples are hesitant to have premarital counseling because they’re afraid the counselor will tell them they’re not suited for each other and shouldn’t get married. However, it is not the counselor’s role to determine that for the couple. The counselor is available to help the couple understand their strengths, so they can build on those. The counselor also helps identify potential problem areas, so they can learn skills to handle them. In premarital counseling, couples learn primarily how to problem solve, communicate, and resolve conflict.

Christian Family Institute offers a premarital package including five sessions prior to the wedding, one follow up session six to nine months after, and use of an online assessment tool called PREPARE. This test is a well researched tool in the industry whereby results for each partner are discussed in a safe space with the counselor.  Areas covered in the PREPARE curriculum are:

Communication

Conflict resolution

Leisure activities

Finances

Parenting

Family and friends

Sex

Faith

Read more about our premarital counseling package or get a head start on your marriage by calling our office at 918-745-0095. For couples who are already married and would like to enrich their relationship, we offer a similar tool called ENRICH.

Let us help you prepare for a wonderful life together!

Krista Cannon, MA, LPC

 

What To Do When Your Spouse Won’t Admit They Did Wrong

Tuesday, May 28th, 2013

Trust Highlighted - iStockA common first question to a breach in relational trust is: “What did your spouse do?”.  The answer will likely depend on the severity of the action. For instance, when your spouse forgot to pick up the dry cleaning when you clearly asked them to, you may receive a denial in response, such as “you never asked me to get your dry cleaning.”  You would probably be able to forgive this more easily than forgiving your spouse when they won’t acknowledge a greater breach, such as infidelity. The adage “pick your battles” correctly applies here. The life of your marriage probably won’t depend on dry cleaning, but infidelity is a much more complex and damaging offense. However, the core issue is the same: A spouse’s unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions and make amends is a major roadblock in trusting relationships.

With something as serious as infidelity, your spouse may fear the demise of your marriage and fool themselves into thinking that if they don’t admit wrong doing, then the incident didn’t really happen.  As fallible humans we are masters of denial. Understanding why your spouse won’t admit their mistake is important. Do they disagree that their actions were wrong or are they ashamed and using their denial as a defense mechanism?

If your spouse has a pattern of dishonesty and is unwilling to seek forgiveness, there is probably a deeper issue present that needs to be addressed through professional counseling.

The dilemma for the wronged spouse is, do you forgive them even if they don’t seek your forgiveness?  For your spiritual and emotional health, is it best to choose to forgive them? Feeling forgiveness and choosing it are different. We often don’t feel like we want to forgive someone, but we can choose to forgive them. When we consider the grace and mercy of God toward us, it empowers us to extend that same forgiveness to others. Communicating your forgiveness toward your spouse can help them understand how their actions have affected you and encourage them to seek forgiveness.

Infidelity is a complex issue and the forgiveness of such offense is also complex.  Christian Family Institute has developed and refined a methodology for helping couples through infidelity.  Call us to set up a time to meet with one of our trained and licensed therapists.

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Krista Caveny, M.A.

Surviving the Summer Series: Family Reunions

Friday, June 17th, 2011

Summer is a time for “baseball and apple pie”, for relaxing and being outdoors. Children are out of school and families take vacations. It’s also a time for family reunions. Although these reunions are exciting, they can also lead to increased stress for individuals and families. For some, family reunions are a time to reconnect with relatives and meet new additions to the family. For others, being with extended family is difficult. Whether it’s trying to maintain a happy facade when your marriage is struggling or enduring Uncle Bob’s lengthy stories, these gatherings can be highly emotional. If there has been discord or abuse in the family, reunions might reignite uncomfortable memories. These gatherings can also be difficult due to missing family members who are deceased. It’s important to be aware of your own state of mind and emotional well-being prior to entering this possibly stressful situation.

The Mayo Clinic recommends the following strategies:

1) Plan ahead how you will handle unpleasant situations – role-playing can help

2) Have realistic expectations – family members may not have changed

3) Limit time there – have a pre-planned exit strategy

4) Self-care – get plenty of rest and use exercise for stress relief

5) Avoid sensitive subjects – such as politics

6) Take a break while there – go sight-seeing or play a game

7) Spend time with family members with whom you are comfortable

8 ) Memorialize deceased family members – bring their favorite food or music, share memories, have pictures/slides, donate to charity in their memory Counseling can be helpful in preparing for and recovering from a stressful event.

Let us help you thrive, rather than just survive this summer. Call our office at 918-745-0095 for more information.

Krista Caveny, M.A