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Fall is in the air, the season is about to change. Like the seasons of life, the empty nest transition takes place over a period of time. It can be a difficult time marked by feelings of emptiness, loss, and a longing for what was, OR the empty nest season can be a time for awareness, reflection and re-evaluation about your marriage, your children and yourself.
Marriage
With only two of you living in the home, more time is available to spend with your spouse (this thought should not invoke fear!). Schedules are less hectic allowing you to talk with each other versus talking at each other in passing. Some couples discover they have little in common at this stage. If so, give thought to finding something you both enjoy….remember when just being together was more important than what you were actually doing? Consider using this time to explore new recreational activities and entertainment venues together. Sharing ideas with each other can lead to great conversations.
Adult Children
It’s very gratifying to form relationships with your adult children…to watch them making and enjoying their new life apart from you. A word of caution may be in order here. With adult children, your role changes from one of parenting to consulting. If you have allowed your child to make decisions and take consequences for those decisions early on, this transition is easier. As a parent, you offer opinions, thoughts and input because “you know best”. As a consultant, however, your opinions will be more influential if you wait until they are invited. You are still the parent, but your approach, parent or consultant, could determine how glad your children are to see you coming.
Redefining Your Self
What happened to all those labels that used to define me?” you ask. You were someone’s Mom, someone’s Wife, the Cook, the Chauffeur, the Nurse, the Event Coordinator, etc. The empty nest season offers you an opportunity to revisit past dreams, desires and ambitions. The choices are vast; you could learn a hobby, take a class, or engage in recreational activities. You could enlarge your social circle, focus on a career, or volunteer for your church or a non-profit organization. Begin by listing your dreams and desires, then gathering information to help you choose the direction you want to go. Some resources that could be helpful include your church, the YWCA, walking or running clubs, book clubs, or community colleges.
Grandchildren
This is also the season for grandchildren! They bring a special joy to life that balances the void left by their parents. Opportunity presents itself once again to teach, guide and influence, only this time the perspective is wiser, gentler and tempered with patience. If you don’t have grandchildren, let your seasoned life benefit others through mentoring programs at church or within the community. Making a difference gives you self worth.
Let the empty nest season be a new beginning for your marriage, your children and yourself…..Enjoy!
Salley Sutmiller, M.S. and Lois Trost, M.S.W.
I’d like to say that honeymoon never ends, but that might create unrealistic expectations. Since unrealistic expectations are responsible for a lot of newlywed angst, I’m going to focus on some ways to build a solid marriage based on reality, not expectations.