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| Dear Friends,
Welcome to the first CFI newsletter
of 2010. Our goal for our newsletter is to bring relevant
articles, announcements and links to issues related to families,
marriages, parenting and mental health concerns.
In this month's newsletter:
Mrs. Salley Sutmiller writes an article about sustaining good habits
during the different seasons of marriage.
Also, Dr. Dale Doty writes about teenage cell phone use and responses
Finally, Dr. Tim Doty mentions the recent tragedy in Haiti and how we
can respond locally and globally
A Time for Every Season
Year! As we begin a new year and a new decade, I'm reminded
of the preacher's words in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (New International
Version): There is a time for
everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...
cradle to grave, our lives are full of seasons. Some are good and
some are not so good.
too, holds many times and seasons. In addition to the
routine ups and downs that are unique to marriage, you have the ups and
downs of two individuals and any children they have.
seasons are welcome and we seem to cruise through without much
thought. It's during times of stress and crisis that we find out
our marriages and we are made of.
important to realize, during these difficult times, that they
will pass-things do change. Having difficulty in our marriage and
our spouse doesn't mean we have a bad marriage. It means we have
problems we need to resolve.
key is to establish good habits that can sustain us in good
times and bad. In the spirit of the New Year, here are some
suggestions for maintaining balance that is important for all seasons.
seasons change, and often, the times of greatest satisfaction are on
the other side of the storm.
Don't shut down, but keep the lines of communication
open. Sharing stresses divides the load.
Don't overreact to bad times, but act in a manner that
encourages good times.
Don't blame others or the marriage, but realize that you can
through this time and grow together rather than apart.
Don't focus on the cause of the problem, concentrate on
solutions. Work as a team. Your spouse's problem is your problem.
Don't withdraw from your spouse, but continue to spend time
together doing things you enjoy.
Don't forget that your spouse is your friend and treat
To see Mrs. Sutmiller's full article, please click here
Salley Sutmiller, M.S., LMFT
Cell Phones and Teenagers
phones are mentioned as part of the complaints that bring families to
therapy. Cell phones are abused by adults as
well as children. The focus of
this article will concentrate on the complaints involving children and
"Complaints that bring many parents to therapy regarding cell
phone use, both
voice and text messaging, is such a high priority of their teens that
grades are often
dropping, and parents describe having difficulty getting the attention
children to important tasks and responsibilities. As cell phone
use increases, teens have less interest in
extracurricular and family activities."
Dr. Doty goes on to say: "Cell phones use
and computer networking can become addictive. An addiction occurs
when any behavior becomes
obsessive. The addictive behavior
interferes with other responsibilities such as school, work, family
responsibilities, and previous interests."
Further, "the best
solution is anticipation and prevention. Teens need guidance and
supervision. Before the problems begin or when early
warning signs emerge, rules need to be established for appropriate cell
use. Teens must understand that
cell phone use is a privilege and is provided conditionally."
To see Dr. Doty's specific recommendations, please view the
full article here.
Dale Doty, M.S.W., Ph.D.
A Compassionate Response to the Haitian Earthquake
The recent news of the January 12 earthquake in Haiti leaves
us feeling great sadness and compassion for the people affected by the
tragedy. Many of us, with good
intentions, want to respond and help in any way we can. In fact,
some whose resources allow may
feel a desire to board a plane and add to the ongoing relief efforts in
person. However, our initial
desire to act may not be the most sustainable and helpful
Because of the need to respond to primary needs and rescue efforts
urgently, philanthropy experts recommend giving monetarily to
who have an established presence in Haiti. It is more effective
during the early stages of disaster
relief and during ongoing rebuilding efforts to work with organizations
leadership in place to respond to a needs-based assessment on the
ground. New organizations to the area or
individuals who join in aid efforts without connection to an
add to the chaos.
It is okay to wait on your giving. Reconstruction efforts will
take time and monetary giving
will be needed on an ongoing basis.
It can be anxiety-provoking to sit "idly by" when so much is needed
in response to the Haitian earthquake.
However, this is an instance in which relying on experts in the area
(i.e. the Haitian people and established relief-aid workers) is perhaps
compassionate response than rushing in with our "expertise." I
would encourage you to donate
monetarily and prayerfully to organizations that you already trust to
work for the needs of our world.
On a lighter note...
|If we can be of service, please contact CFI to set up a time
to consult with one of our counselors. We also provide
psychological assessments and evaluations for ADHD and educational
needs as well as pre-marital evaluations and counseling. To view
our full range of services, please visit www.CFItulsa.com.
Timothy Doty, Psy.D. on behalf of
Christian Family Institute
Our Staff includes:
Dale R. Doty, Ph.D.
William B. Berman, Ph.D.
G. Bowden McElroy, M.Ed.
Eric L. Clements, M.S.
Jill E. Butler, M.S.
Salley Sutmiller, M.S.
Lois K. Trost, M.S.W.
Jamie Brandon, M.S.
Amber R. Sherrell, M.S.
Timothy D. Doty, Psy.D.
Stephen Harnish, M.D.